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Things to do Instead of Spanking1. Get calm. Situations can get a lot worse if we react in the heat of the moment. Do what ever you can to calm down in order to think clearly about what to do about the situation. Try to understand the situation from the child's point of view and development. 2. As a parent we sometimes to forget to take time to take care of ourselves. When we are stressed or overly busy, we may allow ourselves to feel angry quickly and lose control and hit, spank or slap a child. Take time everyday to relax in some way, (exercise, reading) to relieve stress and irritability. 3. Be Kind, brief but firm when dealing with a frustrating situation. Tell your child in clear, respectful and understandable phrases what you want. "Please turn off the TV while you put your toys away." 4. Give realistic choices and consequences. Giving choices gives children power. When a child has power they won't need to fight you for it. Giving children choices and allowing them to have their own consequences (good and bad) teaches them responsibility. Children learn that mistakes are a part of life, and instead of hiding their mistakes or blaming others, that what is most important is that we take responsibility for our mistakes. 5. Allow a child to do a make-up. When a child has broken an agreement with you, give the child a chance to make the situation better, by restitution or make-ups. Restitution is something a person does or provides the opportunity to gain back integrity with the person they hurt or broke the agreement with. Perhaps your child will do an extra chore to make-up for what was done. 6. When you are in situation that is rapidly getting out of control, withdraw temporarily from the situation. This is not a sign of defeat, but simply allows yourself to disengage from the argument and let things calm down. Say to your child, when we have calmed down we will talk again. 7. Use redirection when dealing with a young child or infant. If your child is doing something they are not supposed to, remove them to another room and redirect them into something that is appropriate. You may have to repeat this several times, depending on how persistent your child is. 8. It is best to inform your child in advance that you will soon be doing something different. Children don't like to stop what they are doing to go with a parent. Tell your child what will happen and when. By telling children a head of time that "we will be leaving in 10 minutes" this allows your child to finish what they are doing, and will be more cooperative in going with you. |
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